Life is a Mystery


As I sit here on a late Saturday night (11/09/13) watching the Alabama-LSU game (which is still very much in doubt....come on Alabama!), I can't help but reflect back on my life.  I turned 62 in September.  That's a long time.  If I live as long as my maternal grandfather, that means about 20 years of living left in me.  If I live as long as my paternal grandfather, that means I probably have about 12-15 years left in me.  Then there is my father, who to my great astonishment, is still alive and dong well as far as I know.  Last time I heard, he was still doing well.  He is 88 years of age.  I won't go into all about my reasons for my estrangement with my father.  But, he has only one and a half lungs. He lost part of one to tuberculosis after WWII.  Now, I know you can't go by the ages of grandfathers and father to determine how long one will live.  So many other factors play a part in determining this.  I do have high blood pressure.  I discovered in a CAT scan this summer that I have aortic calcification.  I am taking medication for that.  It was disheartening to hear this from my doctor.  But, it is all part of the process of living.  You have a date with death the day you are born into this world.  I fully recognize that.  It just goes to show the process of living out your life has many turns and twists to it.  Sometimes, I can't help but speculate on life itself.  Why am I here?  Why are you here?

Now, I do believe in God.  I consider myself Christian, although there are aspects of my life I need to deal with to feel that I have a good relationship with God.  My point is that those that believe in God have a rationale as to why they are here.  It is no mystery to us.  We are all here to fulfill a greater purpose, a purpose for which none of us truly understand.  Maybe we are not supposed to understand since we are mere mortals.  But, one can't help but wonder why he or she is here on this earth.  What central casting call did we answer to be placed here?  Even the most devout Christian must have questioned at least once in their life why they are here.  I ask myself, why are some of the most despicable people in history placed on this earth?  People such as Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin,  and Mao Tse-tung, men who were responsible for the murder of millions upon millions of innocent people. Was that their purpose?  To murder people?  I don't get it.  What about people like John Wayne Gacy, Jeffery Dahmer, and Ted Bundy, all of which were serial killers?  What was their purpose in life?  Was it to kill, maim and destroy?  Life is truly a mystery if that is the case.  I see no purpose, no good reason for people like that on this earth. 

So, why am I here?  I'm talking about me specifically.  I have had no kids during my life.  I got married late (age 50 no less).  I basically have just passed through life trying not to upset the apple cart, so to speak.  I just tried to stay out of trouble, help my mother during her time of need and just be there for family.  It is hard to believe that is my purpose in this mysterious life I have gone through.  I feel at times I have wasted my life for no apparent reason.  You may say you were put here for a reason, to care for your mother, to help others in your family and friends.  That's a purpose in life?  I don't know.  As my title indicates, life is a mystery.  At least it is to me.  Maybe there is greater purpose that I have not yet seen or heard about in life.  I imagine there are others like me who have reflected in their old age.  We wonder if we made a difference somehow in our life.  I hope I don't look back someday and say I should have done this or that.  I don't want to die with regrets.  Life is too short.  I've heard that since I was a kid.  Maybe I am just now realizing how short life truly is.  And isn't that also a mystery?


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