7/12/2013

Reconciliation: Life Can Be Strange








A week ago I made a post on the meaning of life.  I talked about a young lady who appeared to be in the final stages of her life coming to my hospital bed to console me.  I will never forget that as long as I live. It was both a bit strange to me and in another sense, quite gratifying to have someone I didn't know come in to console me.  For all I know, that young lady may now be deceased.  She seemed in very bad health.  In April of 2012, I made a post entitled "Divorce:  The Final Goodbye."   In that post, I mentioned how I had made my final goodbye to my ex-wife.  I talked about how she did something that caused me to tell her not to ever contact me again.  Not contact me for any reason.  I admit now, I was very angry when I wrote up that post on this blog.  I have been bitter and angry toward all women since that divorce.  It affected all the relationships I have had since that time.  So, it is still a part of me that harbored some resentment toward her.  Since that post, I regretted some of the things I had said to my ex-wife.  There were some things left better unsaid.  I wanted to hurt her.  Regrettably, I did just that.  I never mentioned that in any follow-up post.  I should have made a follow-up of how I hurt her.  But, I did not do it.

All this is leading to something I never imagined would happen between myself and my ex-wife; reconciliation.   I'm astonished even typing that word with my ex-wife in the same sentence.  We have talked to each other for approximately six weeks by phone, texting and email.   I have explained to her where she went wrong in our marriage.  She explained where I want wrong in our marriage.  As is often said, marriage is a two-way street.  There is give and take.  There is a meeting of the minds, so to speak.  I realize this now.  I should have realized it before our divorce.  I have admitted on this blog before that I had done my part to cause the divorce.  I just didn't go into great detail.  I'm not going to do that even now.  Some things are just not worth rehashing.  It's better left to discussion with the person whom you are trying to work things out.  We both are a long way from getting to the point to where we want to live together or remarry.  We both are taking things slowly, one day at a time.  We have lots of things to work through.  But, one thing that I have to admit now, I truly never stopped loving my ex-wife even though I felt she did me wrong.  She feels the same way, I am convinced.  I realize that sometimes, love is not enough to recommit yourself to someone.  As I stated in my novel (Diary:  Alone on Earth), "Sometimes there are no answers.  Sometimes there are only questions."  I think that fully explains why people sometimes divorce.

I am going to be on hiatus for a week, possibly two weeks from this blog. I plan on staying with my ex-wife during this time.  We want to see if we can work through what set us apart.  We want to see if love can truly overcome differences.  I don't know if we will succeed.  I must acknowledge this.  But, the embers of our relationship have always been there even when I steadfastly refused to acknowledge it.  So, we are going to try.  We are going to work at this for a week or two.  After that, we'll take stock of ourselves to see if we want to proceed further.  Even if things don't work out, at least we both can say we tried.  That's all you can ask of anyone....you have to try.  Last post for a week, possibly two weeks. 


0 comments: