10/16/2008

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up



A judge in Omaha, Nebraska threw out a lawsuit
from state senator Ernie Chambers. Nothing unusual about that, except it was from a Nebraska state senator, right? Well, not exactly. It seems the honorable state senator had filed a lawsuit against God to prevent Him from “committing acts of violence such as earthquakes and tornadoes.” Judge Marlon Polk threw out the suit because there was no evidence God had been “served.” Apparently, Sen. Chambers was trying to make a point against frivolous lawsuits. Now, all he has to do is explain that to his constituency. Good luck with that.

Bernardino Terracciano is starring as a mob boss in the movie “Gomorrah” based on the book by Roberto Saviano (who, incidentally, is in hiding from the real mafia due to his accurate portrayal of their ruthlessness in his book). Nothing wrong with that. Except our boy Bernardino was arrested. Arrested for what? Arrested for suspicion of extorting protection money and having ties to the Casalesi clan, part of the Camorra mafia (Naples, Italy). It seems our boy Bernardino really IS in the mob. Art truly imitates life or, in this case, life imitates art? Bada Bing, Bernardino.

This Halloween, the state of Maryland is forcing sex offenders to put a decal with a pumpkin on their doors. The following message is imprinted across the decal, “No candy at this residence.” That’s all well and good. But, how many kids are actually going to pay attention to that? Seriously, it’s HALLOWEEN. Kids being kids are going to think it’s a part of Halloween and go knock on the door! I could put a life-sized figure of Freddie Krueger on my porch, with a voice saying “KNOCK ON THIS DOOR AND YOUR NIGHTMARE JUST BEGINS,” and I guarantee they would be lined up a mile from my house.” I agree with the spirit of the law. But, it’s asinine to think kids are going to pay any attention to this pumpkin decal unless their parents are with them. Well, in some cases, the parents would actually beat them to the door, I guess. Never mind.

In what has to be one of the more macabre stories
(and just in time for Halloween!), a chef in London, England has been banned from managing food businesses and fined 3,800 pounds for “making kebabs (or kebobs as we spell it here in the USA) near a “corpse.” The dead man was lying on a sofa as Jaswinder Singh made kebabs at Pappu Sweet Center and Catering in Wolverhampton. There really isn’t much more I can add to this. But, I think I won’t be ordering kebobs for a while when I dine out.

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